kristapsone - Blog

The power of one reliable adult

Thu, 01 Oct 2026 08:49:00 +0000

Perhaps we do not always need to ask whether we have found the newest method or the perfect activity. Sometimes, it is equally important to ask whether the young people we work with experience us as consistent, respectful and trustworthy adults.

Do I follow through when I say I will do something? Do I notice and follow up? Do I respect their boundaries and agency? Can I admit when I am wrong? Do young people know what they can expect from me? These may seem like small questions, yet they point towards something fundamental in youth work: the quality of the relationships we build with young people matters.

Research on resilience repeatedly highlights the importance of supportive relationships in young people’s development. For example, on paper "Supportive Relationships and Active Skill-Building Strengthen the Foundations of Resilience" (2015) the Center on the Developing Child at Harvard University points out that one of the most common protective factors among adolescents who are able to cope with serious adversity is having at least one stable and committed relationship with a supportive adult. These relationships can help buffer stress while also supporting the development of skills needed to adapt to challenges and move forward.

This does not mean that one adult can solve everything happening in a young person’s life. Nor does it mean that youth workers, teachers, coaches or facilitators should become responsible for meeting every emotional need a young person has. Rather, it draws attention to the potential of consistent, responsive and trustworthy relationships within a wider network of support.

And being a reliable adult can look surprisingly ordinary in everyday practice. It might mean remembering something a young person shared during your previous meeting, keeping a promise, noticing when their behaviour changes, asking how something went, being honest when you do not know the answer or simply continuing to show up.

Peter C. Scales, Eugene C. Roehlkepartain, Benjamin J. Houltberg on their review of a research on the elements of developmental relationships (2022) offer a useful way of understanding this. There are five elements of relationships that can support young people's development identified: expressing care, challenging growth, providing support, sharing power and expanding possibilities. These are translated into practical relational actions, including being dependable, listening, believing in young people, collaborating with them and creating opportunities for them to lead.

I find this particularly important because it is possible to care deeply about someone while also challenging them, giving them responsibility and allowing them to make decisions. In fact, meaningful relationships can create the conditions in which young people gradually take greater ownership of their choices and development. If the relationship becomes one in which the adult always has the answer, makes the decisions or steps in to solve every difficulty, support can unintentionally become dependence. A more developmental relationship asks something different of us: to remain present while gradually making more room for the young person's own voice.

There is an important difference between supporting someone through a challenge and taking the challenge away from them.

A scholar Kristin Anderson Moore on her blog post "Why positive youth development works" (2016) reflects a similar perspective. Rather than approaching young people primarily through problems or deficits, we should emphasise strengths, opportunities, meaningful participation and positive relationships with caring adults.

At the same time, being a supportive adult requires boundaries. Reliability does not mean being available at all times, taking responsibility for every difficulty, or stepping into professional roles for which we are not qualified. A youth worker does not need to become a therapist. A facilitator does not need to become every participant's closest confidant. And caring about a young person does not mean becoming responsible for their decisions.

In one of my recent instagram posts about youth resilience i posed a question: “What kind of relationships and environments make resilience possible?” that is strongly connected with idea of one reliable adult. Of course, we should be careful not to romanticise it. A caring relationship cannot remove poverty, discrimination, unsafe environments, difficult family circumstances, mental health challenges or other structural and personal factors affecting a young person's life. Nor should responsibility for a young person's wellbeing ever be placed on one adult relationship alone. Professional services, families, communities, peer relationships, educational institutions and wider systems all matter, but relationships remain one important part of the environments we create around young people.

And for those of us working as youth workers, educators, mentors, coaches or facilitators, this gives us something very practical to reflect on. Perhaps we do not always need another method. Sometimes we need to become better at showing up, listening, following through, respecting boundaries and taking young people seriously.

If you work with young people and would like to reflect more deeply on your own role, you might want to take a look at a free resource I have created "10 Ways to Become a More Reliable Adult for Young People" (available at resources section of the website)

Krista Kristiāna Kristapsone,

an ICF-accredited coach, educator and youth worker,

Founder and President of an NGO "Youth Initiative Center "Involvement for Change""

Strengthening resilience of youngsters through coaching

Sat, 28 Mar 2026 11:47:00 +0000

The transition from adolescence to adulthood is one of the most complex and formative stages of life. Young people are faced with important decisions about identity, education, relationships, and their future paths while also navigating emotional challenges, social expectations etc.

Coaching in this regard is grounded in the belief that each individual is inherently resourceful, capable, and creative. Rather than offering solutions, coaching creates a structured space for reflection through purposeful questioning and dialogue. This process allows young people to explore their own thoughts, emotions, and experiences, and to arrive at insights that are personally meaningful.

Resilience, in this sense, is not simply the ability to endure difficulties, but the capacity to adapt, learn, and grow through them. Coaching strengthens this capacity by helping young people move from reactive patterns of thinking toward more conscious and intentional responses. As highlighted in the webinar Resilience and Wellbeing Coaching for Students, coaching contributes to wellbeing by fostering a sense of agency and internal control. Instead of relying on external validation or direction, young people begin to trust their own judgement and develop confidence in their ability to navigate challenges.

There lies the long-term impact of coaching - rather than creating dependency on external support, coaching equips young people with internal tools that they can use independently. These include reflective thinking, emotional awareness, and decision-making skills. Research in youth development also suggests that approaches which emphasize autonomy, competence, and relatedness - key elements in Self-Determination Theory - significantly contribute to young people’s motivation and wellbeing (Ryan, R. M., & Deci, E. L. (2000). Self-determination theory and the facilitation of intrinsic motivation, social development, and well-being. American Psychologist, 55(1), 68–78.). Coaching aligns closely with these principles, as it supports autonomy through self-directed thinking, competence through skill development, and relatedness through meaningful dialogue.

In my own professional experience working with young people in different contexts, I have observed how powerful this approach can be. When young people are given space to reflect rather than being told what to do, something shifts. They begin to speak more openly and connect more deeply with themselves. Often, the most transformative moments occur when they realize that the answers they were searching for externally already exist within them.

This understanding is at the core of the programme I am currently developing, which focuses on strengthening resilience, wellbeing, and self-leadership among young people. The programme is designed to combine coaching-based conversations with non-formal education methods and creative tools, and aims to create both group and individual learning experiences that support young people in building self-awareness, emotional intelligence, and a sense of personal responsibility for their growth.

Krista Kristiāna Kristapsone

Growth facilitator, youth worker, and Head of the organization Youth Initiative Center “Involvement for Change”

The transitional phase as a “doorstep experience”

Sun, 08 Feb 2026 20:00:00 +0000

A transitional phase does not arise out of nowhere. It is often marked by external changes such as relocation, a job change, new relationships, a shift in academic direction, or unexpected turns in life. At the same time, everything from our previous experience remains in the background, our perceptions of ourselves, expectations for the future, and often even an imagined vision of the new reality. Entering this phase, a person seems to stand on a doorstep, between where they once were and where they are about to arrive.

Alongside positive curiosity about what is new and anticipated, this threshold may also bring discomfort and heightened sensitivity to the moment of uncertainty. Stress is often present, as are questions that touch the very core of our identity: Who am I, and who will I be in this new situation as I step across the threshold?

As noted by the author of the article “The Impact of Transitions and How to Cope with Them” (2021), not all transitions are the same. Some are expected - changes we consciously prepare for and sometimes even long to experience. Others catch us unprepared, forcing us to quickly reconsider the order we have known. There are also so-called “non-event” transitions, - situations where change is connected to something that did not happen but that we had hoped for. Meanwhile, some changes may initially go unnoticed until, looking back, we realize how significantly they have altered the direction of our lives.

Although these experiences differ in form, they are united by a moment in which the old has not yet fully withdrawn and the new has not yet taken hold. These are deeply transformative phases that often require patience and, I would say, gentleness toward oneself.

When I look back on my own life, one of the most vivid transitions was my move from Latvia to Romania. With this step, not only did my daily rhythm change, but so did part of my professional identity. From the outside, it may have appeared to be a structured, courageous, and well-considered decision; yet internally, it was filled with questions about direction. What from my previous life would remain unchanged? What could I take with me, and what needed to be released? I also remember difficult moments when I experienced a sense of being stuck, even though I was in a new environment that was supportive. As I later heard in courses, this is the nature of transitions and of overcoming crises: adaptation, inner reorganization, a boundary line between the old and the new.

During this transitional period, I asked myself: What do I truly want? The answer did not come in a single day, yet my key values gradually became clearer: education, growth, creation, and sharing with others. These are the areas in which I feel alive and which, regardless of context, continue to reappear in my life as guiding points. With them came a growing sense of clarity about my direction.

During this time, I consciously sought both space for reflection and opportunities for growth, participating in supervision for educators, attending individual coaching sessions, continuing to learn, and building new collaborations. This helped me broaden my perspective and more clearly see what in my experience was connected to external circumstances and what truly belonged to my identity and values.

Looking back, I can say that a transitional phase or “doorstep experience,” as I metaphorically call it, is not only about adapting to a new reality but also about getting to know and accepting oneself more deeply.

Krista Kristiāna Kristapsone

Growth facilitator, youth worker, and Head of the organization Youth Initiative Center “Involvement for Change”

Growth begins with meeting yourself

Thu, 05 Feb 2026 15:00:00 +0000

Working with young people and adults, I see how often we rush forward before asking ourselves two very important questions: (1) Who am I, truly? and (2) Why is this important to me?

We live in a time that encourages speed - to achieve, to improve, to seize opportunities, to keep up. When we go, run, and do, it may look like constant growth. Yet often this movement happens without conscious direction, because we have not paused long enough to listen to ourselves. Is movement without awareness truly growth?

From the outside, movement often looks like development, we do more, achieve more, experience more. But not every movement means progress, does it? Sometimes it is simply the continuation of a run, a way of filling time without asking where we are actually heading.

For a long time, I also lived with a quiet but persistent fear of missing something, for example, opportunities, collaborations, encounters, doors not yet opened. There was a deeply rooted belief that growth meant saying “yes” as often as possible, constantly expanding my to-do list, and always staying in motion. But I must admit — that is not what growth truly is.

In a recent coaching session with a long-term client, I was particularly touched by her realization that growth does not always begin with sudden change. Yes, change can move us, open a new chapter, or give us the momentum we often need. But when we move, that movement needs direction.

True growth often begins with the courage to pause, with the moment before taking the next steps, when we enter into an honest conversation with ourselves: Is this direction truly my direction?

I will admit that I still need to remind myself of this. Growth is not only the courage to move forward — it is also the courage to pause for a moment.

Krista Kristiāna Kristapsone

Growth facilitator, youth worker, and Head of the organization Youth Initiative Center “Involvement for Change”